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本文通过一路BBS站telnet客户端发布
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1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。[</p>[<p minmax_bound="true">
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2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！[</p>
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3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你[</p>
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4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。[</p>
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意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。[</p>
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意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞…[</p>
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b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。[</p>
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6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.[</p>
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a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！[</p>
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b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。[</p>
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7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.[</p>
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8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。[</p>
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9、 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。[</p>
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10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！[</p>
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11、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。[</p>
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12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！[</p>
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b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。[</p>
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13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。[</p>
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14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！[</p>
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15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…[</p>
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16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。[</p>
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17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。[</p>
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18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~[</p>
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19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题…爽不爽才是答案…[</p>
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20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。[</p>
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21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科[</p>
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22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？[</p>
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23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~[</p>
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24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！[</p>
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25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。[</p>
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26、I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。[</p>
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…[</p>
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28、If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。[</p>
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。[</p>
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！[</p>
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31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”…俺就问了一句：“…隆过？”[</p>
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32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。[</p>
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33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？[</p>
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
d. 宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。[</p>
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35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方[</p>
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。[</p>
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b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。[</p>
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37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫[</p>
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译b： 自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。[</p>
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39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····
b. 想立牌坊就得会装[</p>
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40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟~[</p>
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。[</p>
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42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。[</p>
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！[</p>
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。[</p>
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45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.[</p>
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46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。[</p>
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47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。[</p>
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48、I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！[</p>
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49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什么忙？！[</p>
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50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！[</p>
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51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
每一个成功的男人背后都有一个女人。每一个翻了船的成功男人背后往往是另一个女人。[</p>
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52、I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
生活对于我来说是小菜一碟，我通常就着盐和柠檬，再来一小杯烈性酒。
意译a：生活，是一团麻……绳，……再加一根蜡烛……一柄皮鞭。
意译b: 生活，不就是先狂吃菜，然后把烈性白酒一饮而尽？[</p>
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53、The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
直译：小孩子要中间名，纯粹是为了让他知道他啥时候真的有麻烦了。
直译a：起个全名就为了揍孩子前可以底气十足地喊出来。
意译b：贾君鹏这名字就为了让他妈喊他回家吃饭！[</p>
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54、It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。[</p>
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55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
人工智能从来敌不过天然请勿使用不良词语。[</p>
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56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
直译：不要用眼镜腿来打男人，用棒球击杆。
意译: 要下手就得狠，甭来毛毛雨。[</p>
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57、There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
直译：要想留住谁，在抱摔的时候有一条细线区分出你是否为高手。[</p>
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其他译法：抱摔是留不住女人的，搂抱才管用。/抱和爆是有区别的。 /推倒和拥抱是有微妙的区别的哟！/拥抱和柔道里的压制是有区别的！[</p>
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58、A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来！[</p>
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59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。[</p>
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60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
我的观点或许改变了，但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。
意译：我们要搞共产主义，也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。[</p>
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61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
心理医师：你神经病！！！ 我：能说点别的吗？
心理医师：好！！而且你真TM丑！！！[</p>
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62、 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道…没看见我还在交钱吗？”[</p>
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63、 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
有人说“打不过，就合作”。我说“打不过，也要打”。因为丫们指望你加入，得来点惊喜~！[</p>
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64、When in doubt, mumble.
脑子不好使的话，你就嘟囔。
不明白的话，哼哼试试。[</p>
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65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。[</p>
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66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。[</p>
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67、If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
跳伞是这样一种运动：不成功则成仁！[</p>
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68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在！[</p>
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69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧！[</p>
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70、Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱买不来幸福，但有了它，痛苦的日子会好熬一点。[</p>
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71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
跟悲观主义者借钱吧！他反正不指望你还！！！[</p>
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72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
担忧真的好使！！老子担心的事儿90%都没发生！！[</p>
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[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳无踪影。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
74、Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
这年头，连怀旧都不如从前够味儿了。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
只要主义真，猪也成超人。
信春哥 ，得永生[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
76、I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏！归根结底，我是天枰她是JP！[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
77、Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
豪马克卡上的话：没有你我痛苦万分，正如你就在此处。（没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人鸡犬不宁）[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
78、You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越2~ /活到老,2到老[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
直译：外交家们说让你下地狱的时候，措辞也好像你正巴不得来这么趟旅行。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
80、 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
我和个壮汉闹急了。 他：老子非得用你丫脸把地给擦了！！！ 我：你会后悔的！！ 他：噢？真哒？怎么讲？ 我：呃，边边角角的地方你擦不到！！！[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我TMD死盯着它几个小时了啊！[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人或许击得并不重，但她们击得更低…..
女人总是能击中男人的要害。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
85、Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
直译：记着吧……世界要不恶心，我们早被吐掉了。
别抱怨了，这个世界要是真和谐了，我们这种人就不应该存在~
意译：你们TMD给我记住：没有和谐社会，你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了！[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
上帝蜀黍疼你，只是大家都觉得你2B而已[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者，现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断，现在我不大确信是否还是如此。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
88、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。
意译：人太老实没法活。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
[</p>
[<p minmax_bound="true">
91、 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
好吧，既然这艘船要沉了，救生衣又只有一件，我就勉为其难的虚伪一下，你对我来说实在是不能再好的朋友了…我一定会经常想念你滴~!!
发表于 12-1-2009 07:52:57
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